Are Toxic People Really the Problem? The Truth Behind the Labels

Toxic. Gaslighter. Jealous. Negative. We hear these words tossed around constantly in today’s self-help culture. Even beloved voices like Mel Robbins tell us to walk away, detach, and “let them” be who they are—because it protects our peace. But what if that’s not the whole story? 

What if labeling someone as toxic doesn’t actually lead to healing—but creates a wall that disconnects us from the very compassion God calls us to?

Let’s start here: we’ve all been the “toxic person.” Maybe not dramatically—but subtly. With jealousy. With silence. With sarcasm. With distance. We’ve all had moments where our pain bled into someone else’s joy. So before we point the finger outward, maybe it’s time to point it inward.

The real issue? We’re trying to fix heart problems with surface-level tools.

You can detach all day long—but if your heart stays bitter, nothing changes. You can “let them” be toxic, but without compassion, you’re still wounded. The Bible offers something radically different. Jude 1:22-23 says, “Show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. Rescue others... but do so with caution, hating even the sin that stains their lives.”

Translation? Love the person. Reject the behavior. And remember: we all fall short.

Mel isn’t wrong—creating space is healthy. But space without prayer, empathy, and understanding is just avoidance dressed as strength. It’s strength without substance. Distance without transformation.

So how do we really deal with toxic people?

• Recognize their pain instead of just their behavior.
• Pray for their healing even if you never see them again.
• Guard your peace, yes—but do it without closing your heart.
• Ask yourself: Have I ever acted like this? Could I again?

When you approach difficult people through the lens of love, you don’t just protect your energy—you participate in transformation. You live like Jesus. And you become the light in a dark place, even if the other person never changes.

In the end, love is still the only force strong enough to break toxic cycles. So let them be toxic? Maybe. But don’t stop there.

Pray for them.

Love them.

And let God do the real work.